Warning
by Beyond The Horizon
Summary: Satan sends Damien to Earth in order to warn a particular teenager about his path to Hell. Written in Damien's POV. Damien/Cartman


**Genre:**** Romance**

**Pairing:**** Damien x Cartman**

**Rating:**** T for mature situations and swearing.**

**Age of Characters:**** Late teens**

* * *

The bold smell filled my nostrils as I held the cup of steaming coffee to my lips. As I took a sip, the harsh liquid instantly scalded my mouth, inflicting a sharp sting of pain. I bit my lip and held back the instinct to cry out. My father sat on the other end of the kitchen table with a worried expression. His eyebrows furrowed and he moved his hand forward slightly. "Damien, are you alright?" I nodded weakly and ran my tongue over my dry lips. _I live in Hell. I should be used to the constant exposure to heat. If I can't even handle a hot cup of coffee…_ I placed the 'Life is Hell' mug back upon the pink patterned table. He raised an eyebrow at me and made quick glances at the cup that lay in front of me. "Damien…" I stared at him blankly before I realized what he was referring to and rolled my eyes. I stood up abruptly and made long strides toward the cabinet before opening it up and grasping a coaster from the second shelf. I muttered an apology and lifted the cup long enough to slide the coaster underneath. Although we had a tablecloth underneath, my father constantly enforced the rule of using coasters. I sat back down and crossed my arms, eyeing him from my spot at the table. A small 'ding' noise was heard and my father rose to his hooves. Grabbing his _lavender_ oven mitts, he sprinted to the oven and opened the oven door. A strong smell of baked goods enveloped the room. I had to stifle a snicker when my father tied his apron around his torso and started to transfer the cookies to a cleaner plate. _What does the Dark Lord of the Underworld do in his spare time? Bake cookies, of course. _I leaned further back in my chair and found a particularly interesting spot on the ceiling of the chamber. "Damien…" I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. "Damien, I know you're upset about my date tonight but I have to try and play the field a bit."

"What about the guy last week? You know, the one who sneezed every other sentence and had that obsession with Club Peng-" I couldn't even finish my sentence, I was laughing too hard. "Sorry, I couldn't say it with a straight face. How do you know this guy's any different?"

My dad turned off the oven, took off the oven gloves and leaned against the oven. "Maybe when you're a little older you'll find out. Sometimes you just have a…feeling." He smiled in a goofy manner and squeezed his yellow eyes shut. "He could be the one. You never know." He picked up the plate of cookies and held out the plate. "Do you want a cookie, Damien?"

"No thanks, dad." I leaned forward in my chair and took a long sip of my coffee which, unfortunately, had now become room temperature.

"It's double dark chocolate chunk, your favorite."

I froze, mid-sip. I turned my head slowly towards the intoxicating smell of dark chocolate. I loved dark chocolate more than any more food. My father rarely made dark chocolate cookies since the chocolate would always melt before the actual baking time, making the cookies extremely runny. He only made them when he was trying to get me to do a favor for him. I wasn't going to fall into his trap. "Dad, I'm not doing any favors for you. I haven't had a night to myself in a while and I was hoping on finishing my depiction of a downward-pointed pentagram."

He shrugged and coyly replied, "I just wanted to let you know how much I love you. I made the cookies with extra love and I'd be quite offended if you didn't take one." I stared at the plate of freshly-baked cookies. I glanced up at my father who was trying to look nonchalant. "I guess if you want me to throw them away…" He made slow strides toward the trash bin. I started to tap my finger impatiently and my eyes darted from my father to the cookies. "I was hoping that you'd do something in return for these cookies. I thought that you'd want to demonstrate your love as I had demonstrated mine through baking but I guess that's simply not the case." He moved his left hoof towards the lever at the bottom of the bin. My eyes widened in horror as he pushed down, opening the bin. He started to tilt the flower printed plate towards the impending trash bin.

"WAIT!" I leapt from my chair and sprinted towards my father, snatching the plate of cookies out of his grasp. I hugged the edge of the plate to my chest, cradling it as though it were an infant. I looked at cookies lovingly, happy that I saved them from such a treacherous fate. My red eyes moved upwards and met my father's: they wore an expression of victory and accomplishment. "Fine…" I muttered. "What do you want me to do?"

A toothy grin stretched across his face. "Oh thank you, Damien. It's a really simple favor actually. I just wasn't able to do it because I forgot that tonight was my big date." He walked over to me and spoke in a very serious, 'father-like' tone. "Do you remember when I mentioned that one of my many duties in Hell is to perform warnings to those on Earth?" I picked up the cookie nearest to me on the plate and nodded. Being the devil it was my father's task to warn the individuals on Earth when they were heading towards the path to Hell. Only certain individuals received this warning, however. One would receive this warning if they were truly good at heart – meaning they haven't displayed any of the seven sins – or if they were young of age, as in less than eighteen years old. Warnings were rarely given since almost everyone on Earth has performed one of the seven sins during their lifetime, and also due to the fact that most children are quite innocent in beliefs. This 'warning' system took place after the Great War of 1291 between Heaven and Hell. I won't bore you with the details but basically Hell screwed up and we owed those winged bastards a favor. I took a bite of the cookie, letting the bittersweet taste take over. As I let the chocolate chunks melt in my mouth with pure bliss, it was only then did I see that I hadn't given my father a response.

"Yes, what about it?"

"I need you to perform a warning for me. It's for this kid that will end up down here if he does not change his ways soon. I think you're old enough to do this on your own: it's extremely simple and you only have to stay on Earth for a few hours before coming back. Try and get this kid to have an epiphany." Just as he handed me the folder with the kid's information inside, a loud 'gong' echoed throughout the kitchen, prompting my father to look nervously at the clock and primp himself in the reflection of a nearby pot. "I have to go, Damien. You know what to do and I have the utmost confidence you'll make me proud." He opened his arms and, before I could protest, engulfed me in a bear hug. "I love you." He gave me a kiss on the forehead and laughed at my disgusted reaction. "I know how much you hate affection but it's not my fault I have such a wonderful son." He skipped out of the room but not before blowing me a kiss goodbye.

I watched him leave and stuffed the rest of the cookie in my mouth. Curse these cookies for being my one and only weakness. I set the plate down on the kitchen table and stared down at the yellow folder that I was holding in my hands. _Alright Damien, let's get this brat over with so you can eat some more of your mouth-watering cookies._ I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, relaxing my mind. After a few moments of meditation I opened the folder and glanced at the first page. My already-fair skin paled even more at the sight of the name that was listed.

"Fuck."

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The sun had set a mere hour ago and the moon was taking its place in the sky. There was no noise except the sound of rambunctious teenagers within the school. The trees behind South Park High School swayed gently in a newly found spring breeze. The shadows that decorated the school's wall started to crawl towards the ground, coming together in a large black circle. The circle soon began to rise up and take a new form, a teenaged boy. I brushed myself off and glanced at my appearance in the window. My black messy hair seemed ruffled and the black shirt that clung to my torso had gained a few wrinkles on the trip. I realized that my downward cross pendant had disappeared from around my neck and I went into a slight panic only to discover that it had simply been tucked into my shirt rather than sitting on top of it. _I hate travelling between Earth and Hell._ While looking through the window, I noticed a poster that advertised a school dance tonight. I squinted and managed to read that the dance finished at midnight. _Hopefully the kid's here._ My nose wrinkled at the smell of alcohol and possibly cigarette smoke. No doubt that some teenagers were here before I arrived.I leaned against the brick wall of the school and casually started to skim through the folder's contents. No sooner had I done so, than the side door to the school opened just a few steps ahead of me. The sound of loudly played rock music resonated from within the school and into my ears. An overweight teenager stepped outside and was gave a wave of acknowledgement to an unknown individual inside the school. "Don't worry; I'm just stepping out for a few moments to get…uh…fresh air!" There was a quiet response from within but I failed to hear it over the ear-deafening music. The boy nodded and closed the door behind him. He moved a few paces ahead of the door and out of his coat pocket, took out a bag of Cheesy Poofs. The boy had light brown hair that had an un-kept look about it and his eyes were a chocolate brown. He wore a dark red zip-up sweater accompanied with brown pants but, surprisingly, was lacking a hat. He opened the bag of Cheesy Poofs and reached into the bag. "Man, I've been craving you guys since-" He cut off and I realized that he had finally noticed me in the corner. "Ay! What are you doing here?"

I sighed and opened the folder, avoiding his gaze. "It's a delight to see you too, Eric." As I started to walk towards Cartman, I flipped through the pages. "So it says here that you're seventeen, five foot nine and a half, your mother is a hermaphrodite, you still sleep in footie pajamas…"

Cartman held the Cheesy Poof suspended in front of his mouth, in shock. "How…How do you know all that stuff about me? Are you spying on me?" His eyes caught sight of the folder in my hands. "Give that to me!" He made a grab for it but I pulled it out of his reach. "I said, let me have it!" He leaped at me but I was too quick. In a matter of seconds, I collapsed into a hoard of shadows and reappeared behind him. His eyes grew wide. "H-How did you do that?"

"I'm here because I have been asked to give you a warning. If you don't change your attitude and morals soon, you'll end up in Hell when you die." As if to demonstrate my point, I snapped my fingers letting a flame hover above my hand and with another snap, it was put out in an instant.

"So…if I continue what I'm doing, I'll end up in Hell?" I nodded grimly and leaned against the tree trunk that was only a few feet away. Cartman suddenly laughed loudly and a huge smile spread across his face. "Aw man, that's going to be awesome! I'll be able to have control over fire and I'll be able to show Kyle whose boss. I can't wait to go to Hell; it's going to be the shit."

I stared at him in amazement. _Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?_ "What part of 'You are going to Hell' don't you understand? Souls burn for eternity, it's always 300 degrees Celsius and you'll **NEVER** see anyone you love ever again!"

Cartman stared at me as if I was insane. "But I get wicked awesome pyro-superpowers-"

"No, no. You do NOT get the ability to manipulate fire. I'm the son of Satan. I am the only one, besides my father, who can control fire." I slapped my hand against my forehead. "Do you even understand that you are heading to the scariest fucking place in existence?"

The overweight teen shrugged. "I can handle it and I don't need a pale fag to tell me otherwise." He turned around and started to head back inside.

I teleported myself in front of him, making him stop. "I'm afraid you're stuck with me for two more hours." He tried to push me aside but I stood my ground. "Sorry, Eric." I snatched the Cheesy Poofs from his hands and started to walk towards the main road. As I walked further away, I closed my eyes and smiled. "Three…two…one."

Cartman raced up next to me and before I knew it, tackled me to the ground. "Who exactly are you? Why are you giving me this shitty warning? And the most important question of all, why did you take my **Cheesy Poofs**?" He had me pinned to the ground, holding my hands in a steel-like grip.

I gave him a sinister grin which made him squirm uncomfortably. "You don't remember me, Eric? You don't remember how you and your friends teased me in grade four? You don't recall how you isolated me and provoked the other kids to hate me? I remember you, all too well. I didn't want to give you this warning because, frankly, the greatest day in my existence will be when you enter Hell. I will make you wish that you had listened to my 'shitty' warning. I will have you begging for a way out of the madness and I'll never give you such a privilege." I ran my tongue over my dry lips. "I know everything about you, Eric. I know your deepest secrets. Shall I verbally name a few?"

Although his grip remained firm, his expression was one of sheer panic. I saw a bead of sweat form on his forehead. "Butters kissed me! I didn't want him to but he did! It wasn't in my control!" He said in a defensive voice.

I stared into his brown eyes for a brief moment before erupting in laughter. "Wait, you** kissed **Butters?" Tears were starting to form in my eyes from laughing.

Cartman looked at me with a confused expression. "But…you knew that already. You read my mind!"

I managed to wipe a tear from my left eye. "Dude, I can't read minds. Who do you think I am, the son of God?" Cartman's face turned red with embarrassment. "I can't believe you actually told me that. So much for keeping your secrets locked up and for the record," I snickered at his embarrassed expression. "Lying is a common devise used to manipulate others. Maybe you should consider whether the son of the devil might be using such a technique before revealing such private information." Cartman made a noise that resembled a growl. I smirked. "Damien, the Prince of Darkness, at your service."

Cartman leaned forward, his weight slowly crushing my body. "Well Damien, I have only one thing to say to that: **Suck. My Balls.**" I disappeared, causing him to frantically look around for my new location. I reappeared behind him with a smile playing on my lips.

"But that would require you actually owning a pair."

The teen jumped at the realization that I had appeared behind him and scowled. "Screw you, Damien, I'm going home." He did a pointing motion down the road and started to walk briskly down the street. I ran my fingers through my raven hair and quickly caught up to him. I noticed that he had brought his onyx coloured cell phone out of his sweater pocket and was frantically texting. I peeked over his shoulder and read silently to myself. _Jew, Tell everyone at the dance that I'm going home. I know how difficult it will be to have fun without me and if you want, you can leave so you save yourself the embarrassment of being seen without me._ He paused for a moment and slowly turned his head in my direction, realizing that I had read the message. "What are you still doing here? I don't need a faggy goth kid following me around."

"I don't need a fatass complaining to me about my job."

"Damien, why don't you take a few steps back and literally fuck yourself!" I could tell by his tone of voice that I was really pissing him off. He glared at me and hastily pressed 'Send'. Cartman suddenly veered off to the left and had his sights set on the twenty-four hour convenience store. "I'm going to make a quick stop here." He gave me an uncaring glance as he crossed the parking lot. I rolled my eyes and teleported into the store. I opened the door for him from the inside as he approached. "Stop doing that! Godamnit!" He cursed and went straight for the chips rack.

I followed him and was repulsed by the appearance of the store. It was a typical 'open until four am' stores that seemed to lack any distinguishing characteristics. The overhead lights lined the ceiling while the third one from the right seemed to be flicking on and off in some sort of pattern. It smelled faintly of smoke and blue raspberry slushie. A drink cooler made up the back wall and six candy shelves lined up horizontally in front of the counter. I could hear the low hum of the air conditioner and the sound of the cooler opening and closing. A seedy looking cashier murmured a few choice swear words when he realized that two teenage boys had entered the store. He was in his late fifties but judging by his wicked cough, I estimated I'd see him again in no more than two years. I walked up the aisles until I found Cartman eyeing the chips. "I don't understand you, Eric. You have two hours to spend with the spawn of Satan at your side and you use your time to buy more Cheesy Poofs? I still have your bag from before." I waved the half-empty bag in front of his face. "Save some money and eat the chips you already fucking bought!"

The brown-haired boy reached and grasped a new bag of Cheesy Poofs. As he slowly walked to the counter, he gave me a sideways glance. "You already ate most of them. I'm not going to eat someone else's shitty scraps. I can pay for my own food, fag." He put the chips on the counter and the cashier started to ring it up in the slowest fashion imaginable. My gaze shifted to the bottom rack below the counter. Cartman noticed me staring longingly at the selection of chocolate bars below the counter. I may be the son of Satan but that doesn't mean that I don't enjoy chocolate bars like any other typical teenager. "Do you want one? I'll buy it for you." If I hadn't heard it with my own ears, I wouldn't have believed it. He asked me in a quiet tone as if he were embarrassed to ask. I almost expected an insult to follow up but, astonishingly, nothing else was said. He observed that I was eyeing the dark chocolate bar with nuts. Before I could have any say in the matter, he picked it up and placed it next to his Cheesy Poofs. He fished his change out of his pocket and paid for the two items. He turned around and on his way to the door, passed me the chocolate bar. I stared at the bar that lay upwards in my open palm. Why would he do that for someone like me? "Hurry up, fag." I looked up and saw Cartman waiting outside impatiently. I teleported outside and smiled when I saw Cartman jump. "Godamnit! Fuck you for scaring the living shit out of me."

I looked down at that godamn chocolate bar, a reminder of Eric's rare display of kindness. "Thank you, Eric. Maybe you have some good in you after all. Perhaps you won't go to Hell…"

He scoffed and opened the Cheesy Poofs with a 'pop'. "I'm not trying to be nice to you, fag. I'm not going soft on you and I have no intention of becoming friends with you. Anyone who's badass goes to Hell and I definitely fit into that category." He stuffed a cheesy poof into his mouth and chewed, satisfied with his words.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that, Eric."

"Fuck you, Damien." We walked down the newly paved sidewalk, passing by the stores that had closed up for the night. The only sound was that of Cartman eating his Cheesy Poofs. I slipped my hands into my jean pockets and looked up at the full moon that had risen over the town. The moonlight lit our path and the swaying of trees created a peaceful atmosphere. When one lives in Hell for so long, one begins to forget the simple pleasures. These mortals didn't know how lucky they really are. "Damien?" I looked up only to realize that I had stopped in my tracks and Cartman was six feet in front of me.

"I'm…just enjoying the scenery."

Cartman raised an eyebrow. "You better not go all emo goth shit on me. I don't have the time or the attention span to care." I rolled my eyes and at his words. "Besides, what is there to enjoy? Hell is so much cooler. You can torture souls and condemn the innocent to eternal damnation." He smiled dreamily at the thought. "I can totally fuck around with Kyle. I'd be like 'Hey Jew! Check this shit out!' and I'd throw fireballs at him. He'd be like 'Oh Cartman, I'm so sorry that I teased you. You are the greatest being on Earth and I'm sorry that my Jew mind couldn't comprehend your awesomeness.' " When he imitated Kyle's voice, he made it sound squeaky and pathetic. I couldn't help but smile at his impression. Cartman laughed and ate another Cheesy Poof. "I'd probably want to kill Kenny a few times for my amusement though. Come on, keep walking." He nudged me in a harsh manner to urge me to keep walking and although I was reluctant to follow his orders, I managed to move my feet. "To be honest, Damien, I sense a weakness within you."

I jerked my head towards him. "Don't you **EVER **say that about me. You don't fucking know me. You haven't seen me in nine years. I have no heart, my sense of mercy has disappeared and when torturing my victims," I leaned toward him so my mouth was beside his ear. "I **always** make sure they die very slowly. I want to savor their despair." Cartman winced at my close proximity but didn't seem to have any intention of backing off. "Eric, you recall the warning I gave you earlier tonight?" He gave a small nod, he seemed to abandon his attempts to eat his Cheesy Poofs. "That warning was to prevent you from entering Hell and facing the endless torture that my father would reap on your soul. That warning was also to protect you from me." His scared expression seemed to weaver into a worried one. "I only exist to aid my father in the Underworld. By aiding, of course, I mean watching the never ending agony of the souls that are committed to Hell. Eric, I know that although you're a spoiled, foul-mouthed, ill-tempered, violent, insensitive," He opened his mouth to object but I raised a hand to stop him as I continued. "Sociopathic, arrogant, greedy, racist, rude, hypercritical, insecure, sadistic, corrupt and manipulative fatass." He flashed me a death glare. _Cute. _"But I think that somewhere, deep down, you have a decent heart. However small it may be, it's still a heart and has the ability to demonstrate compassion." I broke off a piece of my dark chocolate bar and put it in my mouth, savoring the flavor. "I'm not saying you should act like a saint, although I think we both know that's an impossibility, but have a few morals."

"Suck my balls, fag." We turned the corner and his house came into view. Cartman reached into his bag of Cheesy Poofs. "What the hell?" He shook the bag upside down only to discover that he'd eaten them all. "I couldn't have eaten them all, someone must've stolen them!" I hid a smile as Cartman continued to 'search' for his missing Cheesy Poofs.

"Here." I broke off a piece of chocolate. He glanced at the chocolate piece that lay in my outstretched palm. He moved his hand over to grab it when I suddenly moved the chocolate to my mouth and held it between my teeth. "Go on, take it."Cartman noticed what I was doing and scowled. He moved his hand upwards towards my mouth. I moved my head away from his hand. "Sorry, Eric. You'll have to use your teeth."

"What?!" He exclaimed. "We're right in front of my house. What happens if my mom sees? Besides," He turned his body away from me and crossed his arms in a child-like manner. "I'm **not** gay."

I laughed at the brunette. "Eric, Liane was a former prostitute. She's not going to give a shit if you take the chocolate from my mouth. In addition, I never said you were gay. If you were comfortable with your sexuality, you'd have no problem doing this. You do want this chocolate, don't you? I know how hungry you are." I smiled devilishly at the nervous boy. "All I'm asking is that you work for the chocolate."

"…" There was a pause as Cartman debated on what to do. "…Fine. But I'm not a fag; I'm doing this for the chocolate." The teenager zipped up his red sweater and turned his body to face mine, head on. I stuck the chocolate in between my teeth and held it out for him to take. I could see a bead of sweat on his forehead as he leaned forward, his face nearing mine. I could feel the rapid breath on my face as his mouth came only a mere inch away. He opened his mouth and closed down slowly on the chocolate. He hadn't made any contact with my lips. I hated to admit it, but Cartman was pretty precise. Suddenly he lurched forward, his lips crashing into mine. The kiss lasted a few seconds before he finally had the balls to pull away. His hands immediately flew to his face and his eyes were wide. I looked at him with an expression mixed with horror and curiosity. "I-I lost my footing. I leaned too far and my right leg sort of collapsed."

"If you enjoyed it, then no harm done." I ran my tongue over my lips and reached for another piece of chocolate.

"W-What?"

"Eric," I said with a serious tone. "For an accident, that kiss lasted a few seconds longer than it should have."

He was going red in the face and he turned his back towards me. "I'm not a fag. I can't be a fag." He spoke softly to himself rather than me.

I teleported in front of him and for once, he didn't react. "It's alright. My appearance is meant to lure others. I'm sure you're familiar with the Bible story which had the snake convince Eve to bite the apple. I am that snake, Eric. My appearance is meant to appeal to you." I moved my finger underneath his chin and gently moved it upwards so his eyes met mine. "It's alright."

He hesitated but didn't pull away from my grasp. With his eyes locked with mine, he leaned forward. "You still have chocolate on your mouth." I reached up to wipe it off but his lips met mine before I could do so. He kissed me softly and tenderly, his left hand cupping my face. He tasted of cheese and chocolate but I was too entranced in the moment to care. He pulled away for only a second as he breathed out three words to me. "Fuck you, Damien." I pulled him back into a more passionate and rough kiss. He pushed against me and fought for dominance. He was trying to make me his bitch. _Comical, but unlikely. _He plunged his tongue into my mouth, not bothering to even verify it with me. Our tongues wrestled and I was surprised to hear a low moan from my counterpart. We continued to kiss in this fashion until he had to pull away for air.

I chuckled and led him to his backyard. I pulled him towards the back fence, my face hovering a few inches from his. "So, who was the better kisser, Butters or I?" I pushed him with his back to the fence, my body pressed against his.

He didn't get the chance to answer since my hand slithered behind his head and pushed him into another rough kiss. I left his mouth and started to place kisses on his cheeks, chin and neck. I grinned as I grabbed the zipper to his red sweater and started to zip down. He realized what I was doing but made no attempt to stop. His breathing was hard and rapid as I casually tossed aside the sweater. His hands grabbed the bottom of his white tank top, underneath, and tossed it aside revealing his chest. I smiled at the sight of the folds and flab that hung on his torso. I ran one of my nails across his chest, making him shiver. My hand slowly started to make its way down to his pants when I felt his hand, stopping my own. I shot him a questioning look. "I'm not going to let an emo fag take advantage of me. I make the rules." His hands latched on to the bottom of my black shirt and practically ripped it off. My upside-down cross pendent hung limply on my pale chest and my hair was slightly messy from the encounter. The brunette ran his fingers through my raven hair as I started to undo his pants. He breathed sharply as I took off his pants, revealing his 'Coon' boxers.

"Beg for it." He gave me a frustrated look and shook his head, gritting his teeth. "I'll just take that as a sign you don't want this." I started to move away but Cartman's hand shot out and pulled me down.

"Damien, Prince of Darkness, show me who's superior. Butters or yourself?" He said it quickly and averted his gaze from my own.

I kissed his neck and wrapped my arms around his neck, gently grazing the fence behind him. Cartman moved his hands towards his pants and unbuttoned them. I gave him a toothy smile and nodded for him to continue. His hands shook slightly as he took off my jeans. I gave him a slight shove to the ground and I crawled on top of him. I brought my head down to his ear and whispered softly. "Prepare for the royal treatment."

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I woke up in my bed with a start. I was in my room. I sat up and groggily looked around the room. My body was aching and it felt as if I had pulled an all-nighter. I hated mornings. I looked down and realized that I was bare-chested. I cursed and walked to my dresser, pulling out a black band shirt. As I pulled it over my chest I noticed a small mark near my shoulder blade. Upon closer inspection, I realized what it was. I couldn't help but start laughing. Last night had certainly taken a strange turn. We started out as rivals but at the end of the night, I had come back with a new addition to my body. I looked into the mirror and smiled. _I wonder how long the hicky will take to heal…_


End file.
